⚙️My Feelings Engine
The meltdown came out of nowhere. Or maybe it didn't — maybe it was building all day and this was just where it spilled over. Either way, they're overwhelmed and you need to help them find the ground again.
What's actually happening
Emotional dysregulation — difficulty managing the intensity and duration of emotional responses — is one of the most common concerns in early childhood. It's a core feature of typical development (the prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed until the mid-twenties) and is amplified in ADHD, autism, anxiety, and sensory processing differences. Gross (2014) identified that children who develop emotional regulation strategies early show better academic, social, and mental health outcomes. The 'engine' metaphor aligns with the Alert Program (Williams & Shellenberger, 1996), which uses engine speed as a child-friendly framework for self-regulation.
What parents usually try
"Calm down"
If the child could calm down, they would. The instruction assumes they have a skill they haven't yet developed. Telling an overwhelmed child to calm down is like telling someone who is drowning to swim (Siegel & Bryson, 2011).
Ignoring the meltdown
Can be appropriate for tantrums (behaviour with a goal) but harmful for meltdowns (genuine overwhelm). The distinction matters: a child having a meltdown needs co-regulation, not extinction (Shanker, 2016).
Punishment or consequences
Punishing emotional expression teaches the child to suppress feelings, not regulate them. Suppression increases long-term dysregulation (Gross, 2014).
What actually helps
Narrative therapy's key technique is externalisation — separating the problem from the person (White & Epston, 1990). 'You have a fast engine' is fundamentally different from 'you're being difficult.' The child can work with an engine. They can notice it, describe it, and learn strategies to slow it down. The story models this process: the character notices their engine speeding up, uses a specific strategy (deep breaths, movement, quiet space), and discovers they have some control. Not total control. Enough.
How this story works
Narrative therapy externalises emotions — the feelings become something the child has, not something they are. 'Your engine is running fast' is easier to work with than 'you're being difficult.'
What your child hears
Your child's character has a 'feelings engine' that runs at different speeds. Sometimes it races. The story shows how to notice when it's speeding up and gentle ways to bring it back down — not by stopping feelings, but by understanding them.
When to use this story
After a meltdown, to process what happened without shame
During calm moments, to build strategies for next time
When emotional outbursts are becoming more frequent
When the child can't articulate what they're feeling
As a regular story for children who experience intense emotions
After the story
The story is the beginning. Here's how to keep it going:
“How does your engine feel right now?”
“What makes your engine go fast?”
“What can you do to tune it?”
Try this
Create an "engine meter" together — draw fast/medium/slow
The research behind this approach(show)
Evidence-based stories for neurodivergent children using social narrative approaches, narrative therapy, and sensory-aware storytelling.
- Gray, C. (2015). The New Social Story Book (15th Anniversary Edition). Future Horizons.
- White, M. & Epston, D. (1990). Narrative Means to Therapeutic Ends. Norton.
- Dunn, W. (2007). Living Sensationally: Understanding Your Senses. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.