🐾Goodbye Buddy
The bowl is empty. The bed is still there. Your child keeps looking for them in their usual spot. This might be the first time they've lost something that can't come back.
What's actually happening
Pet loss is often a child's first encounter with death, and it is frequently underestimated by adults. Kaufman & Kaufman (2006) found that children's grief for pets follows the same stages as grief for humans — denial, anger, sadness, acceptance — but is often disenfranchised (not taken seriously by others). Children under 5 may not understand the permanence of death; children 5–7 begin to grasp it but may believe it's reversible or caused by something they did (Slaughter & Griffiths, 2007). The pet's absence — the empty bed, the missing sound — is often more distressing than the abstract concept of death.
What parents usually try
Immediate replacement ("We'll get a new one")
Communicates that the lost pet was interchangeable. Children need to grieve the specific relationship, not be distracted from it (Kaufman & Kaufman, 2006).
Euphemisms ("They went to a farm")
Creates confusion. Children may expect the pet to return. Age-appropriate honesty supports healthier processing (Slaughter & Griffiths, 2007).
Hiding your own grief
Children take cues from adults. Seeing a parent feel sad and cope models that grief is normal and manageable.
What actually helps
Bibliotherapy provides a safe container for grief. The story character misses their pet — and the story doesn't fix that. Instead, it models remembering: the funny things the pet did, the warm feeling of the memory, the idea that loving someone changes you permanently even when they're gone. Webb (2010) identifies narrative as one of the most effective grief interventions for young children because it externalises the loss — the child can feel the sadness through the character before facing it directly.
How this story works
Bibliotherapy helps children process grief at their own pace. The story doesn't rush through sadness to reach 'it's okay' — it sits with the feeling and lets your child know it's normal to miss someone.
What your child hears
A gentle story about missing someone who isn't here anymore. Your child's character learns that love doesn't disappear when someone does — it lives in memories, habits, and the warm feeling of remembering.
When to use this story
In the days immediately following a pet's death
When the child keeps looking for the pet or mentioning them
When a child is anticipating a pet's illness or decline
Weeks later, when grief resurfaces unexpectedly
When the child asks difficult questions about death and permanence
After the story
The story is the beginning. Here's how to keep it going:
“What do you miss most about your pet?”
“What was the funniest thing they did?”
“How would you like to remember them?”
Try this
Make a pet memory box, draw a picture of their pet, or plant a flower in their memory
The research behind this approach(show)
Therapeutic stories for life transitions like potty training, school anxiety, and new siblings.
- Shechtman, Z. (2009). Treating Child and Adolescent Aggression Through Bibliotherapy. Springer.
- Pardeck, J. T. (1994). Using literature to help adolescents cope with problems. Adolescence.
- Heath, M. A., et al. (2005). Bibliotherapy: A resource to facilitate emotional healing. School Psychology International.