🏡Family Traditions
'Why do we always do this?' Because it's ours. Because your grandmother did it, and her mother before that. Because some things are worth keeping exactly the way they are.
What's actually happening
Family rituals — regular, symbolic activities that carry meaning beyond the activity itself — are powerful developmental anchors. Fiese et al. (2002) conducted a meta-analysis of 50 years of research and found that family routines predicted child health outcomes, while family rituals predicted the child's sense of identity and belonging. The distinction matters: routines are functional (dinner at 6), while rituals carry symbolic meaning (Friday night pizza with everyone at the table). Children who participate in family rituals show stronger family identity, better emotional regulation, and greater resilience during family transitions (Fiese, 2006).
What parents usually try
Creating elaborate new traditions
Traditions don't need to be grand. Fiese (2006) found that the symbolic meaning was more important than the complexity — 'we always read a story before bed' can be as powerful as annual holiday rituals.
Forcing participation
A tradition imposed feels like a chore. Children who choose to participate — or who are invited rather than instructed — develop stronger attachment to the ritual (Fiese et al., 2002).
Letting traditions fade without replacement
When family structure changes (new baby, divorce, relocation), existing traditions often break down. Creating adapted or new rituals during transitions helps maintain the child's sense of continuity.
What actually helps
The story turns a family tradition into narrative — giving it permanence, meaning, and the child's place within it. This is what Fiese et al. (2002) found most powerful: when families narrate their rituals, explaining 'why we do this,' children internalise the ritual as part of their identity. The story personalises the tradition (your family's specific recipe, game, or habit) so the child sees themselves as part of a lineage — connected to the past and carrying something forward.
How this story works
Attachment theory and cultural identity research show that family rituals build security, belonging, and identity. The story doesn't invent a tradition — it celebrates yours.
What your child hears
A story built around your family's own tradition — the recipe, the game, the thing you do every Sunday or every birthday. Your child hears their family's story and understands they're part of something bigger.
When to use this story
During or around the tradition itself
When explaining to a child why a family ritual matters
When a tradition is changing (new family member, new home)
As a way to include distant family members in a shared ritual
When you want your child to understand their family's story
After the story
The story is the beginning. Here's how to keep it going:
“What's your favourite part of this tradition?”
“What do you help with?”
“What should we add to our tradition next time?”
Try this
Start a new mini-tradition, or draw/photograph your favourite tradition to remember it
The research behind this approach(show)
Stories that strengthen parent-child connection through shared moments. Bonding stories are shorter (~80% of the standard age target) because attachment research shows the ritual itself drives bonding — the conversation after the story is as important as the story itself.
- Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books.
- Ainsworth, M. D. S. (1978). Patterns of Attachment. Erlbaum.
- Mindell, J. A., et al. (2015). Bedtime routines for young children: A dose-dependent association with sleep outcomes. Sleep, 38(5), 717–722.
- Sroufe, L. A. (2005). Attachment and development: A prospective, longitudinal study from birth to adulthood. Attachment & Human Development, 7(4), 349–367.
- Harter, S. (2012). The Construction of the Self. Guilford Press.