✨You Are Amazing
Sometimes they need to hear it. Not because they did something — just because they are something. Yours.
What's actually happening
Self-affirmation theory (Steele, 1988) demonstrates that affirming a person's core identity — not their achievements — buffers against stress, failure, and threat. In children, unconditional positive regard (Rogers, 1961) is the foundation of healthy self-concept. Harter (1999) found that children's self-esteem is built on two pillars: competence ("I can do things") and worthiness ("I am valued for who I am"). Most parenting naturally develops competence through praise for achievements. Worthiness requires something different: explicit, unconditional messages that the child is valued regardless of performance.
What parents usually try
Praising achievements only
"Good job!" and "You're so clever!" build competence-based self-esteem, which is fragile — it depends on continued success. Worthiness-based self-esteem is more stable (Harter, 1999).
Assuming the child knows they're loved
Children take love for granted in secure attachments, but explicit expressions of unconditional value build what therapists call 'core self-beliefs' (Beck, 1979).
Generic affirmations
"You're amazing" is nice but vague. Specific observations ("I love the way you check on your sister when she's sad") are more powerful because they show the child has been seen (Harter, 1999).
What actually helps
The story is pure affirmation — personalised, specific, and unconditional. It describes the child's real qualities, habits, and quirks in a narrative that celebrates them. This isn't a participation trophy. It's what Rogers (1961) called unconditional positive regard delivered through story: the child hears themselves reflected back, valued specifically for who they are. The story builds worthiness-based self-esteem — the kind that doesn't depend on getting the next thing right.
How this story works
Self-affirmation theory shows that children who feel unconditionally valued — not for performance, but for who they are — develop stronger resilience, higher self-esteem, and better emotional regulation.
What your child hears
A celebration story. No problem to solve, no lesson to learn. Just a story about all the ways your child is specifically, individually wonderful — the things they do, the way they laugh, the person they're becoming.
When to use this story
After a difficult day (for the child or for you)
On birthdays or special occasions
When the child is struggling with self-confidence
As a regular rotation story — children benefit from hearing this message often
When you want to say something you don't always find the words for
After the story
The story is the beginning. Here's how to keep it going:
“What do you love about yourself?”
“What are you good at?”
“What makes you special?”
Try this
Make a "Things I love about me" list together
The research behind this approach(show)
Stories that strengthen parent-child connection through shared moments. Bonding stories are shorter (~80% of the standard age target) because attachment research shows the ritual itself drives bonding — the conversation after the story is as important as the story itself.
- Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books.
- Ainsworth, M. D. S. (1978). Patterns of Attachment. Erlbaum.
- Mindell, J. A., et al. (2015). Bedtime routines for young children: A dose-dependent association with sleep outcomes. Sleep, 38(5), 717–722.
- Sroufe, L. A. (2005). Attachment and development: A prospective, longitudinal study from birth to adulthood. Attachment & Human Development, 7(4), 349–367.
- Harter, S. (2012). The Construction of the Self. Guilford Press.