🌟Sibling Superstars
They fight. They share. They fight again. But when one of them cries, the other is always the first to check. The bond between them is complicated, fierce, and the longest relationship either of them will ever have.
What's actually happening
Sibling relationships are the longest-lasting relationships in most people's lives, yet they receive far less attention than parent-child or peer relationships in developmental psychology. Dunn (2007) found that sibling relationship quality at age 4 predicted social understanding and emotional regulation at age 7, independent of other relationships. Positive sibling narratives — stories families tell about the children's bond — shape how siblings perceive their relationship. McHale et al. (2012) found that children in families that narrated the sibling relationship positively showed less conflict and more prosocial behaviour toward each other.
What parents usually try
Treating them exactly equally
Equality isn't equity. Children have different needs, and rigid equality can create competition over who got 'more' (McHale et al., 2012).
Refereeing every conflict
Necessary for safety, but over-intervention prevents siblings from developing their own conflict resolution skills. Siblings who resolve disputes independently show stronger social skills (Dunn, 2007).
Comparing them
Even positive comparisons ("Your sister is so good at maths — you're the creative one") create fixed labels and implicit competition (Dweck, 2006).
What actually helps
The story does something parents can rarely do in real time: it narrates the sibling relationship purely positively. There's no conflict to resolve, no lesson to learn. The story simply describes two children who are lucky to have each other — their private jokes, their teamwork, their shared world. McHale et al. (2012) found that positive sibling narratives from external sources (not just parents) were particularly effective at shaping how children viewed their relationship.
How this story works
Self-affirmation applied to sibling relationships. The story strengthens the bond by narrating it positively — helping children see their sibling as a teammate, not a competitor.
What your child hears
A story that celebrates the sibling relationship — the silliness, the teamwork, the unique language only they share. No fighting, no lessons. Just two people who are lucky to have each other.
When to use this story
When sibling conflict has been particularly intense
As a shared bedtime story for both children
When a new development (new school, new baby) is shifting sibling dynamics
When you want to reinforce the bond during a good period
On 'sibling appreciation' moments — after they've been playing well together
After the story
The story is the beginning. Here's how to keep it going:
“What do you love about your brother/sister?”
“What are you great at together?”
“What makes your sibling special?”
Try this
Make matching "superstar" badges, or plan a sibling adventure together
The research behind this approach(show)
Stories that strengthen parent-child connection through shared moments. Bonding stories are shorter (~80% of the standard age target) because attachment research shows the ritual itself drives bonding — the conversation after the story is as important as the story itself.
- Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books.
- Ainsworth, M. D. S. (1978). Patterns of Attachment. Erlbaum.
- Mindell, J. A., et al. (2015). Bedtime routines for young children: A dose-dependent association with sleep outcomes. Sleep, 38(5), 717–722.
- Sroufe, L. A. (2005). Attachment and development: A prospective, longitudinal study from birth to adulthood. Attachment & Human Development, 7(4), 349–367.
- Harter, S. (2012). The Construction of the Self. Guilford Press.